Not going postal

A lot of stressful events have happened in the last month.  Both parents have passed away, we had a memorial service for Dad, Ben has gone to the ER three times, Christmas, birthday, NYE...some bad events, some good, but all stressful in different ways.  My co-workers (most of them), have been kind and supportive and have pitched in to cover my time off without being too outwardly resentful. I have covered for them in the past and no doubt will do so in the future so I suppose things even out over time. Many of the comments I've received from people at work have followed the line of "how are you holding it together?  I'd be a basket case! You should take more time off!"  It's true that I haven't been bawling my head off at work, I haven't snapped at anyone (even though the opportunity to do so presents itself everyday), and I am feeling stressed, but I'm making an effort to keep my emotions in check.  I'm wondering if keeping ourselves "in check" is a bad thing. I see it at work all the time with patients who present with chest pain that is not cardiac, belly pain that has no clinical cause, and yet the symptoms are very real.

Tension and anxiety can definitely cause physical pain and illness but it's not always easy to unload it in a healthy, appropriate way. It's not like I can work a meltdown into my schedule, and I'm not the type who suffers in silence, then suddenly goes ape-crazy and burns something down.

Last night I had dinner with a friend, drank 3 glasses of wine, then came home, (note-I did not drive!) and cried for half an hour.  Maybe the wine is what it took to let go, but I feel better.  It did occur to me that breaking something or throwing rocks might be satisfying, but I don't want to clean up the mess afterward.

I'm going to try to get out today and hike a section of the AT up on the Skyline Drive. I also have another weird project idea lurking in the back of my mind...more on that later if it looks like it will work. That's my way of getting through rough times...create something odd.


PS - Massage scheduled for Monday...Thank you Erin and Mike!